Inside My Mind.

It's funny how sometimes it feels like there's only one thing in this world keeping you alive day to day, and if it was gone, you wouldn't know what to do or how to live. But then it leaves, willingly or by force; it leaves. And you're left broken down on your knees, with nothing. And there's just this insane about of helplessness that comes with that. The worst kind of pain that you can feel though, is when that person proves just how happily and easily they can live without you in their life. And that's when, down on your knees, you come to the bitter reality: you have to force yourself to live without them. No matter how much it hurts, you have to realize that nothings going to change. And then you start to get up, brush yourself off and slowly start to stand, and you find yourself thinking,"This isn't so hard." and soon enough you realize that you didn't need them to hold you up in this first place. And you think back to when you had them and wonder why you ever thought you needed them so much.
But here's the catch... What do you do when you go for months barely speaking but still being civil and not need them, when suddenly it seems like they need you? You're talking again, and you're falling again. Old cuts reopened, those healing wounds are now ripped back open. And you're vulnerable. The pain isn't there. But it will be. Because there's an aftershock... There's always an aftershock. It's really like an earthquake. After the earthquake hits, it's gone. And then you open your eyes and you see all the damage left. It's devastating. And nothing can clear away the damage except yourself. So you start to clear everything away, and things start looking brighter. And even when you get everything fixed just right like it was in the first place, you still remember every little detail of the storm. And you won't ever forget about it. No matter how hard you try, those images are always gonna be stuck in your mind. And that's what scares me the most...

11.17.10
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